The Beauty Of Sadness

Snowboarding is like an abusive husband. He hits you and knocks you out, makes you bleed and cry, he breaks you and never says sorry. But you stay with him anyways, he is the love of your life, you couldn´t be without him. So you forgive him for all the games he plays on you, you take all those beatings he gives you, and after every incident you already feel the fire inside you to go back and make love with him again because it´s just too good.

Sometimes my special man has an extraordinairy punch, one little slap can screw you up so good. Like 2days ago. How do you tear all your ellbow ligaments, your capsule and your brachialis muscle when you were never higher above the ground than 40 centimeters? Ask my husband, but i doubt he will answer you. He´s a cocky bastard.

Tomorrow i get surgery to put things back where they are supposed to be.

It´s such a hard pill to swallow since recently my violent dude and me were a real good couple. We´ve taken our relationship further than before and he made me so happy. But now he´ll leave me alone again and just hang out with the rest of the world while not giving a F about me. That´s what he does. I´ll just recover my battle wounds and then find him again, somewhere out there, possibly beating up other innocent women after giving them the pleasure of their lifes which will forever attach them to him.

Yes it hurts to let him go. I had everything planned out very differently. Call me the naive one but yes i was believing in the good things. I thought we had everything figured out and then the mood swing came.

It´s painful to get a US Open invite, when you had already seen yourself finishing your season there, and realize it´s not going to happen. This is not how the story goes in my book at all. Thinking about the places and events i´d have gone to, thinking about the filming trips i had coming up, it makes me very sad. It hurts.

As much as it sucks though, i can also see a glimpse of beauty shining through all of it. It´s the passion, the fire behind. The will to overcome this as good and fast as possible. To make the best out of the worst. In some way that drive, that energy to get back, thats what makes me feel alive. To have something to fight for, something to look forward to, something that seems to give some sense to this life that sometimes just seems to be lived trying to find the maximum comfort through money, love or adventure until we die.

Last, a quote from a talk i really love

“… Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward ,but it was very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can´t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference… “

Steve Jobs – TED

Posted on by Silvia Posted in Diary

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