Swimming with the shark


Have you ever swam over a mile in a lap pool? You know the feeling at the start, to think there are over 80 more lenghs coming, the water is cold, this will take forever? But then, towards the end, it gets so easy, and the last lap usually turns out to be the most enjoyable one of your entire swim... Now imagine your 1mile+ swim with a

A love declaration


   I used to hate the winter. I still hate the cold. The one thing powerful enough to let me make friends with the winter was snowboarding, after 14 years of struggling with it. Snowboarding has changed my life in so many ways. Far beyond allowing me to sympathize with winter, it enabled me to find and be myself. At age 13 I felt

From Jaegermeister to the Nirvana. Zooms on life.


Originally, this was a text about „Cheating, Killing and Chocolate Mousse.“ There were some fundamental thoughts leading from roadkill to the group dynamics of war and the question wheather 2 married women put less guilt on their shoulders when they have a threesome with a stranger than if they´d take him home alone, individually. I

In between. Munich Purgatory.


  It´s June. I haven´t written a personal blog in a long time. Didn´t feel like it. Wrote for another blog too, one that I couldn´t pour my heart into. Doing something half-hearted can take a lot more energy than going all in and forcing yourself to be more shallow than you truely are comes at a price. It´s hard to pretend, even if it

See what I see, feel what I feel


It starts with the squishing sound that snow only makes when the temperatures are almost unbearably low, a sound I haven´t heard in Germany in a long time. Either because global warming has already hit us too hard or because I´m barely at home through those coldest times of the year. This squeeking melody my feet create while

Speed of light, speed of February

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How to invest a breakfast voucher at C.O.P – Cilka´s version and mine.

January/February, that´s when the winter season reaches full speed. Weeks go by and feel like days, the days don´t have enough hours anyways, and when you wake up in the morning sometimes you wonder which country you´re currently in.

Right now I´m back in magic Breckenridge, the best place to just fly with the lightspeed of snowboard season life, but on saturday i´m already off for the next adventure. The Arctic Challenge in Norway. I´m really stoked to go there, it´s the first time they let women do it since it´s a slopestyle event.

I hope it won´t be as much of a rollercoaster ride as last week in Calgary at the Canadian Open. The weather was more than moody there what made it really difficult to do the contest and possibly even ride well. My personal Calgary rollercoaster ride went as deep as almost breaking my neck and as high as finishing 2nd and getting over the contest curse that i felt on my shoulders so far this season. So in the end it was a good ride.

Back on track

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The world is so ok again. Thanks Breckenridge for fixing it all.

No more lost astronaut in space, no more searching bike paths, everything is simply good, makes sense, i am happy and don´t try to swim against the strong current of life´s racing speed anymore.

After crashing on the shitty world champs course i thought i possibly broke my back. My flight to the US was the next day though, and i really didn´t know wheather i should go or not. Should i get X rays in Munich? Stay in Munich and finally relax for a moment? Fly to the US and risk needing to get X rays there, finding out i have a broken back and not be able to snowboard at all? 10 minutes before departing to the airport i still didn´t know what i should do. Then i decided to believe in the good stuff. Be positive. My back wouldn´t be broken, it would all work out, and even though i was deadly tired from the Europe weeks i decided to take another bit of exhaustment, go on that plane and go back to the US.

It was the right decision. Everything finally fell back in place, the back isnt broken and i actually had some of the best snowboarding days of my life.

Now i´m in Calgary for the Canadian Open. Luckily it´s not as cold anymore as it was when i flew here. It should be a fun week, the course is good and COP is just such a happy little place. It´s good to be back . Back from shitty times, possibly broken backs and back in Calgary where i haven´t been since 2009. It was good then, too.

Slopestyle, La Molina and the olympics

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Just because some people told me i sound suicidal. :-) I am not suicidal. But there is ups and downs, its just natural, and why not dare to say what you think and feel, even if it´s not always good…

One of life´s downs is also the current World Championships in La Molina. It´s said to be the test event to see wheather slopestyle is ready to be introduced into the olympics in Sochi. Well from the state of slopestyle it´s out of the question that the discipline is ready to be taken where ever you want to take it. But if the people trying to take it somewhere aren´t ready to build a good course, to judge in a understandable way and generally make an event worth being called world championships maybe that´s where things aren´t ready to be taken to the next level.

Well no matter what it is an interesting experience to be here. Everything is a little different than usually. Actually things are so bad they make me happy again because everything is funny. Like the story of the slopestyle course. It was supposed to be a slalom racing slope first, but the racers said its too steep to race on it. So they turned it into a slopestyle. How is that?

Or today it was so stormy that they cancelled the slalom racing because it was dangerous and not fair. But they kept slopestyle qualifiers going until the lift had to stop due to the storm.

Or another great story that you get plus points for 180s on speed bumps here. In TTR events it´s called revert and it´s bad because it interrupts the flow of your run. But at the FIS world championships it´s an additional great trick and you get plus points. It just makes me laugh.

Maybe some of those stories have been twisted a bit by being told from person to person but those versions above are what i heard. And yes they make me happily laugh. I am tired of being unhappy with the bad course, tired of complaining about bad athmosphere and things i don´t understand, so i flipped the switch. This whole world championships thing is a joke. And you know what, it is a great joke. :-)

Falling in space

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Yes. It is a dog with rastas (weird?) and me jumping. Both of us in Davos.

ONeill Evolution and European Open are done. I screwed up in both events not making the easiest boxes to the end. It´s a bitter pill to swallow but at the same time it´s so much bad luck that it makes me feel as if it was simply supposed to be that way. I liked the jumps and generally felt good snowboarding but it was just not supposed to work out to do good in those events.

Everything is a bit off these days. The beautiful biking on the bike path balance from Breckenridge is totally gone, i feel like an astronaut falling in space these days. You dont know if you move, if you fall, if you get pulled some direction or if you might get sucked in by the next black hole out there. Somehow there is no feeling for time but I am constantly stressed, there is so many things to do but I wonder what i really do them for. I just want to sleep but then i can´t fall asleep and even though i know i should be hungry i don´t want to eat but when i eat i can´t stop. Well in clear words everything is off.

The magic tools such as playing piano, swimming pools and singing along music can´t cure me this time and even the cat that usually calms me down prefers to spit all over my keyboard instead of helping me out of the labyrinth right now. Things are off.

But here we come to one of the most important challenges in life. Turning bad things into good things. Since things are difficult right now the likelyness of them getting better is very high. If i score myself on a shitty-feeling-scale right now (1 – i wouldnt mind dying right now, it wouldnt matter to the world anyways and 10 i want to sing scream and jump from joy) i think i deserve a 3 out of 10. So there is 7 better steps and only 2 worse ones. The future looks good. Also sometimes it might be good to be totally lost since thats the only way to find something truely new. As long as you have a hold onto something from the past, as long as you see your bike path, the chances of something absolutely different and amazingly new arent as high. I´m so lost right now i dont know where up and down is, so it will be really interesting to see where space spits me out next.

The future looks promising even though i can´t see it.

Happy New Years!

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Last night was my first new years in Germany in many years. First i didnt think i would make it anywhere since i didnt arrive in Munich from the US until 1pm, unpacked my bags, did laundry, said hi to family, went through my pile of mail, passed out half dead at 5pm. Woke up at 9pm and went to my old school friend Andy´s new years party.

It was crazy to see people i hadn´t seen in 6-8 years. There were real surprises hearing about what others have been doing because i still don´t do and never have done facebook. Hearing one of my formerly good friends moved to the US, is married since 8 years and has a 3 and a 5 year old kid was pretty intense.

New years was amazing. It´s so different how people celebrate in Germany. We actually drink champaign and eat fondue, there´s tons of fireworks and everybody counts down on midnight real loud together, to hug every single person you´re with once its time and wish them a happy new year. We also did “lead pouring” which I dont think anyone does in the US. You melt a little lead cube and then pour it into cold water what makes it form in weird shapes that are said to tell your future for the upcoming year. My cube split into 2 weird objects. One i think is i a boat and the other one is either a hummingbird or a octopus. Well nobody else really saw the hummingbird in it but to me it was clear.

My understanding is that either i will finally have a good vacation again this year, somewhere warm with a boat, hummingbirds and an octopus or maybe i can hope to be in tune with the elements, like floating on the water, flying in the air and swimming in the ocean. Biking on the bikepath. Maybe the mysterious lead pouring is just agreeing with what my last post.

Happy new years everyone!